Healing Shame and Low Self-Worth: How EMDR Therapy Can Help
- Erin H. Kim
- 20 hours ago
- 3 min read
“I don’t feel like I’m good enough.”
“I don’t know why I am the way that I am.”
“I hate myself.”
You may have spoken or thought these words before.
These are the words that move beyond regret about something you have done and instead attack the core of who you are. Unlike guilt, which is tied to specific actions or behaviors, shame tells us that there is something wrong with who we are.
Shame can manifest itself in many different ways.
Maybe you don’t feel like you deserve anything good or your accomplishments feel meaningless. Maybe there’s a voice inside that tells you that you are unlovable, worthless, or unseen, so it feels safer to push others away or turn to unhealthy coping strategies that provide any sense of relief.
Shame drives us to hide and isolate ourselves from others, and then convinces us that we are all alone. This painful cycle reinforces the belief that no one understands and we do not belong. The cycle of shame can feel exhausting, and confusing to navigate alone.
Why Do I Feel So Ashamed?
For many people, these internal voices are echoes of messages they received earlier in life. Your traumatic experiences and relationships may have communicated these messages in implicit and explicit ways.
For example, you may have grown up with highly critical caregivers who taught you that your worth was tied to your accomplishments. Or maybe you grew up in a religious environment that utilized guilt and shame as a mechanism to change behavior. You may also have experienced traumatic events such as abuse, accidents or disasters that made you feel unsafe or powerless.
These experiences can shape your sense of identity and self-worth and over time, these experiences and messages can shape your view of yourself and the relationships around you.
How Therapy Can Help Heal Shame
As loud and convincing as the inner critic can be, know that you are not alone.
You are not defined by your anger, addiction, or past experiences.
And you are not unlovable, worthless, defective or hopeless.
Through the safe and confidential space provided by a trained therapist, clients can explore the roots of the shame and navigate through it together. Clients can better understand where the self-criticism originated, develop self-compassion, and move toward self-acceptance.
Understanding Shame Through the Lens of EMDR
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing Therapy (EMDR) is a modality that can help with processing traumatic memories that keep us stuck in negative cycles of shame.
As mentioned previously, when we experience traumatic memories, our body often stores the thoughts, feelings, emotions, and sensations in a maladaptive (or unhelpful) way. Even years later, situations in daily life can trigger these memories and reinforce the negative beliefs. Even if you have become a successful person in your career and relationships, the voice of your inner child may still be carrying the same negative beliefs that you held when you were younger. EMDR therapy can help process the unresolved memories and help individuals move toward more adaptive beliefs about themselves.
What is EMDR?
EMDR therapy uses bilateral stimulation (BLS) to help the brain process traumatic memories. With the guidance of an EMDR trained therapist, traumatic memories can be linked to more positive and adaptive beliefs.
The word “desensitization” might be confusing to some. There is a common misconception that EMDR therapy is similar to hypnosis. In reality, the client is fully awake and in control during the EMDR process. As the negative memories are processed, the negative beliefs of self often begin to shift as well. EMDR therapy is not about erasing the memories or forgetting the past, it is about helping clients store the memories in a way that is more appropriate and adaptive.
If you are struggling with shame, low self-worth, or self-criticism, EMDR therapy may be able to help. If you have additional questions, please feel free to schedule a free 15-minute virtual consultation to learn more about EMDR therapy.
*limits of confidentiality include risk of harm to self and others, and abuse of children, older adults, and dependent adults.
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About the Author
Erin H. Kim, AMFT is an associate marriage and family therapist at Behold Counseling specializing in trauma, shame, anxiety, and relationship concerns. She utilizes EMDR therapy and attachment-based approaches to help clients process painful experiences and develop healthier beliefs about themselves.
Learn more about Erin: https://www.beholdcounseling.com/emdr-trauma-therapy-irvine
Psychology Today Profile: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/erin-h-kim-orange-ca/1709637
Resources
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